​I was thinking a lot about what self acceptance and self love really means to me and the simple fact is that it is truly everything! Most of the things that you are struggling with could be improved or resolved with self love and acceptance. And here is why.
The top 5 things that challenge us as adults are:

1. Physical Health
2. Mental Health
3. Work-Life Balance and Relationships
4. How we look as we age
5. Financial Concerns

Let me tell you a little story about my husband to drive this point home. About four years ago he started getting an interest in his mental health, he started seeking outside himself and began to see that there was something bigger than him. This isn’t something I could do for him, I could only model this. He started doing breathwork and coming on meditation retreats and it was a gradual slow build. This happened through us have conscious conversations and me being very careful not to shove things down his throat. We explored and grew together, but at the point it seemed like he was falling back into old habits, but I kept on keeping on and I kept loving him through the process.

Then about 2 1/2 years ago he had a mentor at work invest in him which made him feel like he mattered. This mentor told him that if he wanted to move up the ladder in the company but he needed to start dressing and acting the part. This mentor believed in him before he could believe in himself. Suddenly my husband started caring about his appearance, and not in a self loathing type of way, in a way that he actually cared about how he appeared in the world. He got a new haircut, started using skin care, he bought new clothes. Because of this he felt empowered to do so. He was fortunate to have found this mentor.

When he started caring about his physical appearance, it built his confidence which afforded him a promotion, and also improved our relationship. I no longer felt like a has to mother him about those things and our financial situation improved. Now he has taken another step and has started to be concerned with his physical health and has taken great actions on that which has helped him be less concerned about the aging process.

I tell you this story for 3 reasons.

First of all to demonstrate that change doesn't happen overnight, it happens in the small little moments, and the small little decisions.

Second, I tell you this story because I know that these concepts we are talking about can sometimes feel out of reach. They can feel untrue or unattainable or like it’s a wish or a hope or a prayer. But I am telling you from experience that all you need is a willingness, an openness to something being true or available to you, to it to start having an impact in your life. My husbands transformation started with believing in himself and having a mentor solidify that belief. I am here to tell you that I believe in you, I know that you want this and I know without a doubt that you deserve this, so please believe in yourself, I have so much belief in you, but it needs to start with you. You matter so much in this world and the world needs all of you, my biggest wish is for you all to see that.  

I also tell you this to show you how much self love and self acceptance impact all areas of your life. Understanding this, taking small steps forward, making tiny little decisions can change everything, but you must have patience with others and with yourself. You are doing great, just keep going, small little shifts at time!

Let me preface this by saying that this will not work for everyone or all scenarios . I am simply offering an alternative perspective, see where it might fit for you.

Many of the problems come in our lives when we give words meaning based on what we have heard rather then what we have contemplated and then understood. Forgiveness is one of those words. We have been told things like, forgive and forget, true forgiveness means you never bring it up again, just let it go. We have these sayings swirling around in our head and we think that we can not call on forgiveness for healing because we can't forget, we can't let it go and we can't give up not bringing it up again. So lets begin with what I believe about forgiveness and you can see if it feels like truth for you.

Let me first remind you what forgiveness is not:

It is not letting someone off the hook, it is letting yourself off the hook.

It is not saying what they did is right or ok, you have been wronged from your perspective, and your perspective is valid.

It is not allowing them back into your life, that is your choice and they do not need to be in your life for forgiveness to do its good work.

It is also not looking for a change in the other persons behavior or actions, you can not change someone else.

So what is forgiveness and how does compassion swoop in to help this be a little bit softer?

Forgiveness is for you to release your energy from the other person’s energy. Think about all the time and energy that you have tied up in other people, in past hurts. All that brain space and attention that is being used, being angry. You can get free of that. You can take your power back. Chances are the person that you are holding a grudge about does not even think about you, but you have to think about them all the time. That is not fair, but you have the power to change that, you can practice forgiveness and create separation from the pain and anger of the hurt, freeing you up to do more of what you want, live the way you want to live, be who you want to be. 

Now I have to bring compassion into the conversation because it allows you to forgive. One way that I find helpful to look at compassion is that the other is simply always doing the best that they can. Because quite honestly, if they had the ability to do better… they would. Let that sink in... don't rebuttal me right away, you can rebuttal if you want, but what if everyone was simply doing the best they could in the moment? 

Everyone you encounter in a day is dealing with a myriad of different things and they have varying tools on how to deal with them. If you can get your head around the statement “ I assume that everyone is just doing the best they can” It can bring so much freedom. Now again, this does not make what they did right, or correct, and it does not make it hurt any less. It simply means that we have no idea what other people have learned or experienced throughout there life. Something that may seem like common sense to you, may not be common to them. Something that seems totally wrong to you, may be something that no one ever told them was wrong. And yes there are many arguments that you could have with me about this, and that is ok. I am just asking you to see if you can see it a different way. What if they really didn't know it was wrong? What if they has no one in their life to teach them what was right? What if they do not have the social skills or emotional intelligence to be kind? To do the right thing? Can you have compassion for that? Can your forgive based on that? Reminder, I am not telling you that you have to forgive, I am just presenting an alternate narrative. 

Can you forgive knowing that forgiveness is for you? It is not for them. It is for you. 

People that you need to forgive, are suffering themselves… this is where compassion comes in. 

If  you can accept (and by accept I mean simply that it is happening, not that it is right, acceptance is another word we often give interesting definitions too) that people are just people wandering around this human existence doing the best that they can and sometimes that is going to be stuff you don’t like, but it has nothing to do with you and your happiness…. That is freedom, that is liberation…

See how this can fit for you, it might not work for all relationships, but see where it can fit. Every little bit of your energy that you get back is a win for you. 

Here are some quotes about forgiveness that might help you to shift perspective. Sending you all the love!

• "To err is human; to forgive, divine." – Alexander Pope
• "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." – Mark Twain
• "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." – Paul Boese
• "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." – Oprah Winfrey
• "Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
• "When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future." – Bernard Meltzer

​Let me preface this by saying that these are just a few of my thoughts on authenticity, I do have much more to say, but lets start with this.

For me authenticity is showing up every day as I am, good, bad or otherwise but always trying to live by my core values. This means that who I am for other people can change daily, but who I am for myself remains the same. If I choose to allow myself to show up as I need to daily, I am always in alignment with myself which is the most important thing. At the end of the day, the only person you can truly count on is yourself, so I know that if I can build a strong relationship with her, I become the most resilient version of myself. For me authenticity has very little to do with how I present on the outside and everything to do with how show up for myself and also how I have compassion for the fact that I am ever evolving and that my best is different every single day.

Personally I think that people often but too much stock in their identities rather than there authenticity and core values.

​Identity creates attachment to things that can easily change or be taken from us, like our jobs or the way that we look.

Identity can also get you wrapped up in achieving or in a very narrow view of success. Obviously it is important to have goals and want more out of life, but if it becomes about staying aligned with our values life can feel more joyful and easeful. Knowing your core values allows for more flexibility and evolution rather than a narrow view of who you are in the world.

Knowing what your core values are is important in life as it will create more ease in making decisions and taking action. During times of upheaval and change, core values serve as anchors, grounding us in our principles and fortifying our resilience. They provide stability amidst chaos, empowering us to adapt, evolve, and emerge stronger from adversity. They also can help you to know if you are in alignment with in friendships or other relationships. Knowing your core values also helps drive purpose and passion.

We can take on different identities in life, but they are not who we are. If I was going to go super spiritual on you, I would say that we are everything and we are nothing, we are simply I Am. And as much is that is true, we are also human beings walking on the planet and we tend to need things to define ourselves. But what if it didn’t have to be so narrow, or so rigid, what if your identity wasn’t tied up in something that you feel you have to measure like success or popularity?
What if life could be a little more fun, flexible and undefined. Let me give you some examples.

EX: I am a woman who likes to wear leggings and black T-Shirts
I am a woman who values comfort.
If I wrap myself in the identity of leggings and black t-shirts then I feel inauthentic when I wear anything else.

EX: I like and a woman who likes tattoos
I value creative expression and meaningful symbols.

EX: I am an entrepreneur.
I value enjoyment in my work and I enjoy working for myself. I do not think that everyone should work for themselves. I believe in finding enjoyment of work and that has nothing to do with the tasks that you actually perform or levels of success that I achieve.

EX: I am a wife
I value partnership but also individuation. My relationship with my husband is high value for me, but not if I am going to lose myself in being with him.

Expressing yourself through your values creates a broader expression of who you can be in any given moment without feelings like you are betraying yourself in some way if you do not always adhere to that narrow view.

Give this a think and see if it resonates.