Sometimes it’s not the big things, it’s the small things.

When we think about stress, we often imagine the hard seasons of life, the major transitions, the losses and upheavals. And yes, those matter. But for most of us, it isn’t the big things that wear us down day after day. It’s the little ones.

It’s the email that goes unanswered.
The sink full of dishes.
The text we’re not sure how to respond to.
The noise, the rushing, the constant tiny demands on our time and attention.

One by one, these things seem small. But stacked together, they fill the body with tension and keep the nervous system braced, as if we’re always waiting for the next thing.

Our nervous system doesn’t always know the difference between big stress and small stress. Every sigh of frustration, every tightened jaw, every moment of rushing sends the same message: we’re not safe, we need to keep bracing. Over time, this becomes the background hum of our lives, a low-level activation that we mistake for normal.

And that’s why it’s not always the big life changes that create the deepest healing. It’s the little things. Just as small stresses pile up, so do small resets.

A slow exhale.
Relaxing your jaw.
Letting your shoulders drop by just 5 percent.
Pausing to notice the color of the sky before you walk inside.

None of these seem like much in the moment. But your nervous system notices. Each one whispers: we’re safe now, we can soften.

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life to feel different. You just need to remind your nervous system, again and again, that not everything is urgent. Every repeated pause builds trust. Every gentle shift lays down a new pattern. It’s not perfection that rewires us, it’s repetition.
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The little things that stress us out are also the little things that can set us free. When we start tending to the ordinary moments, unclenching, breathing, pausing, we change the way we live in our bodies. And that changes everything.

If I have learned anything over the past year as a mother, a teacher, and a human navigating a full, unpredictable life, it is that my nervous system is not something to “fix.”

For a long time, I thought regulation meant getting myself to a perfectly calm, unshakable place all the time. I thought the goal was to be in permanent peace, never feeling anxious or overwhelmed. But the truth is, our nervous system is designed to move. To ebb and flow. To activate and then settle. To respond to what is happening, not to live in one perfect state forever.

In my somatic work, I see it over and over again. When we stop treating our nervous system like an enemy and start treating it like a wise messenger, everything changes. Tension, anxiety, and even shutdown stop being “problems to solve” and start being signals we can meet with curiosity and compassion.
This does not mean we will like every sensation we feel. It means we learn to listen to it instead of override it. And over time, that listening changes the way we move through the world.

The nervous system is not here to make your life harder. It is here to protect you. The racing heart, the clenched jaw, the frozen stillness, these are not signs of weakness. They are signs that your body is doing its best to keep you safe based on what it has learned.

When you shift from “How do I stop feeling this?” to “What is my body trying to tell me?” you create space for understanding, choice, and healing.

If you want to start building a new relationship with your nervous system, here are a few practices to try:
1. Pause and Name It
When you notice a shift in your body, maybe your shoulders tighten or your breath gets shallow name it without judgment.
Example: “I notice my breath is fast” or “I notice tension in my stomach.”
Naming what is happening helps you step out of automatic reaction and into awareness.

2. Offer Reassurance
After naming what is happening, gently remind yourself that you are safe in this moment. Even a simple phrase like, “It’s okay, I’ve got you” can help your system feel supported.

3. Use a Micro-Reset
Choose one small, regulating action that works for you. This could be:

• Placing a hand on your heart and taking three slow breaths
• Feeling your feet on the ground and pressing gently into them
• Looking around the room and naming five things you see
  These small cues tell your nervous system it is safe to come out of high alert.

The next time you feel your jaw clench, your shoulders rise, or your breath get shallow, pause and say to yourself:
"Something here is asking for my attention. I’m listening."

This is not just about relaxation. It is about building trust with yourself. Each time you respond with presence rather than pressure, you are teaching your nervous system that it is safe to feel, safe to soften, and safe to be.

Over time, this becomes a completely different way of living in your body; one rooted in compassion, understanding, and a deep knowing that your nervous system is not your enemy. It is your guide.