When my dad passed away in January of 2021, I was fortunate enough to have asked him to complete a small booklet filled with questions about his life, values, and wisdom before his passing. Among the many treasures he left behind, one piece of advice stood out like a beacon: to always look for the daily hidden pearls in life. These pearls, he explained, were the moments of beauty, lessons, and gratitude that can so easily go unnoticed in the rush of everyday living.

As I navigated my grief, his words became my anchor. In the midst of heartache, I started looking for those hidden pearls each day—whether they came in the form of a lesson, a quiet moment of peace, or a glimmer of gratitude. Slowly, this practice began to transform my grief into something more profound. I realized that even in the darkest of times, there are always small gifts of insight, healing, and love waiting to be uncovered. It was through this lens of seeking out life’s subtle beauty that I was able to honor his memory and process the loss of the most influential man in my life.

This simple yet profound practice has since become a guiding light not just in the way I live, but also in the way I teach. In my work, whether through somatic healing or mindfulness, I encourage others to seek out their own hidden pearls—those moments of clarity, growth, or connection that remind us of the richness life offers, even during our most challenging times. I believe that healing and transformation are often found in these small, quiet moments that invite us to pause, reflect, and embrace what is present.

I hope that as you read this blog, it offers you your own little “aha” moments—glimmers of insight, healing, and gratitude that serve as your own hidden pearls. It’s my deepest wish that this space provides you with the comfort, growth, and peace that my father’s wisdom has given me.
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Sending you and your loved ones all my love,
​Trista

There’s a passage in the Bhagavad Gita that’s always stuck with me:
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"You have the right to work, but not the fruits of your action."

At first glance, this might seem a little frustrating. After all, aren’t the fruits—the results—why we work so hard in the first place? We set goals, work toward outcomes, and often measure our success by what we achieve. But the wisdom behind this teaching invites us to shift our perspective entirely. It’s not about abandoning our hopes for success; it’s about freeing ourselves from being controlled by those outcomes. When we let go of attachment to results, we can rediscover the joy and meaning in the work itself.

When we think about loving our work, it’s easy to assume that love comes from doing what we’re passionate about or achieving success. But what if the real fulfillment is in the process? What if the true joy comes from being fully present in the act of working, learning, and growing, rather than waiting for a specific outcome?

It’s natural to want to see the fruits of our efforts, but the truth is, those outcomes aren’t always in our control. Sometimes the project doesn’t go as planned, the business venture stalls, we feel like we can't affect change or the recognition we hoped for doesn’t come. When we place all our focus on the result, we set ourselves up for disappointment. But when we can show up fully for the process itself, loving the work for what it is, we become grounded in something far more sustainable.

Imagine pouring your heart into a creative project, knowing that whether or not it’s a "success" doesn’t define its value. The act of creating, showing up, and growing through the experience is what matters most. The beauty lies in the journey.

The Gita’s teaching isn’t about not caring—it’s about releasing attachment to the result. Non-attachment doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have goals or dreams. It means we can approach our work with love and dedication while holding the outcome lightly. This is where true freedom comes in. When we’re no longer tied to external validation, we find our center in the work itself.

I’ve found that when I’m able to let go of the pressure to achieve a certain result, I’m more open, creative, and present. The work becomes lighter, and in many ways, more meaningful. I’m no longer waiting for the end result to tell me whether my efforts were "worth it"—I’m experiencing the worth in real time.

There’s something deeply freeing about viewing our work as an offering. When we take the focus off personal gain and look at how our work serves others, a new sense of purpose unfolds. Whether we’re teaching, creating, or helping others in some way, our work becomes a way to contribute to something bigger than ourselves.

This shift in perspective is particularly helpful when things don’t go as planned. We can take comfort in knowing that the energy we’ve put into our work has value, even if the results don’t look like what we expected. Maybe the impact was subtle or slow, or maybe it touched someone in ways we’ll never fully understand. When we work with the mindset of service, the results—whatever they are—become secondary to the intention behind the work.

Practical Ways to Embrace the Process

1. Focus on Intention Over Expectation: Start each day or project by setting an intention. What do you want to give to the work? What’s meaningful about the process itself? Let the outcome unfold naturally.
2. Celebrate Small Wins: Instead of waiting for the big result, acknowledge and celebrate the small victories along the way. Maybe it’s learning something new, overcoming a challenge, or simply showing up with consistency.
3. Release Judgment: Notice when you’re getting caught up in judging your work based on the results or others in the workplace. Take a deep breath, and gently shift your focus back to the present moment, reminding yourself of the value in the work itself.
4. Serve Through Your Work: Reflect on how your work benefits others, whether directly or indirectly. When you align your work with a sense of service or contribution, the pressure of personal achievement softens.
   

The fruits of our actions aren’t always immediate, and they don’t always show up in the ways we expect. Sometimes, they come long after the work is done, or they appear in subtle forms we might not recognize at first. But here’s the thing: the fruits are just the bonus. The real gift is in the love, dedication, and growth we experience as we work.

When we can embrace this wisdom—to love the work without being attached to the outcome—we find a deeper sense of freedom, joy, and purpose. We learn that the true measure of success isn’t in the final product but in the heart we put into every step of the journey.

So, show up for the work, love it fully, and trust that the fruits will come in their own time—whether or not you’re looking for them.

Tonight, under the vast, velvety sky of the Rockies, I found myself in one of the darkest corners of this majestic mountain range, where the stars seemed to hang low, twinkling with a brilliance that city lights often hide. We took advantage of this natural wonder and engaged in mindful stargazing, allowing ourselves to be fully present in the moment, immersed in the beauty and stillness of the night.

As I sat there, wrapped in the quiet embrace of the mountains, I was struck by the realization that these stars, these magnificent points of light, are always there—present even when we cannot see them. They exist in the same space we do, but it’s only when we step away from the noise, the distractions, and the artificial light of our daily lives that we can truly witness their brilliance. The longer we sat, the more stars revealed themselves, filling the sky with a breathtaking display that left me in awe.

This experience got me thinking about the parallels between the stars and my meditation practice. Much like the stars, our thoughts, emotions, and inner truths are always there, existing beneath the surface of our conscious awareness. But just as the stars are hidden by the brightness of day or the lights of the city, our inner landscape can be obscured by the busyness and noise of life.

Meditation, for me, is like finding my way to that dark, quiet space in the Rockies—an opportunity to turn off the noise and allow what’s been hidden to come into view. As we sit in stillness, bringing our awareness inward, we begin to notice thoughts and feelings that we may have been too busy to acknowledge. At first, it might seem like there’s nothing there, just the quiet void. But as we stay with the practice, with patience and curiosity, more begins to emerge. The stars of our inner cosmos start to shine, illuminating parts of ourselves that we may not have seen before.

This process isn’t always easy. Sometimes what comes into view isn’t comfortable or convenient. But if we can stay curious, if we can meet these revelations with a sense of wonder rather than judgment, the experience can be profoundly beautiful. It’s in this quiet, mindful exploration that we can discover the richness of who we truly are, beyond the surface-level distractions.

So tonight, as I reflect on the stars and the insights they inspired, I encourage you to stay curious and mindful. Whether you’re gazing at the night sky or sitting in meditation, know that there is always more to discover—both in the world around you and within yourself.

Sending you love, my friends. Stay curious and keep exploring.

You’ve likely heard it before—the age-old saying that was instilled in many of us from childhood: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” It’s a phrase that carries the weight of morality, kindness, and respect. But as I’ve navigated my own journey of personal growth and deepened my relationships, I’ve come to realize that there’s a massive flaw in this well-intentioned advice. 

This saying is one that we often hear but rarely question. We accept it as truth, a simple guideline to live by, yet we seldom pause to think about what it actually means on a deeper level. The problem lies in the fact that we are taught to treat others well, but we are not explicitly taught how to treat ourselves. How can we possibly know how to treat others with genuine love and kindness if we don’t first understand how to treat ourselves? 

When we are told to “treat others how we want to be treated,” what we’re really doing is modeling our behavior based on how we see others treat each other. We look outward, emulating the kindness, or sometimes the lack thereof, that we experience in our interactions. But this approach doesn’t teach us self-love. It teaches us to seek approval and kindness from others, to be nice so that others will be nice to us in return. While that might sound reasonable on the surface, it’s actually quite limiting and, in many ways, incorrect.

What I’ve discovered through my own experiences is that the real transformation happens when we shift our focus inward. If we start by building a deep, loving relationship with ourselves—treating ourselves as worthy and deserving of love, kindness, and all the good things life has to offer—we naturally extend that love to others. It’s not about faking it or being kind out of obligation; it’s about knowing in our bones that we are valuable, and from that place of self-worth, we can genuinely uplift those around us.

Loving yourself first is a radical act, one that requires a complete reframe of how we view our place in the world. We’ve been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is selfish, but in truth, it’s the most selfless thing we can do. When we prioritize our own well-being, when we treat ourselves as the most important person in our lives, we begin to radiate a love that is pure, unburdened, and unconditional. This is the kind of love that can transform relationships—not just with others, but with ourselves.

We’re often taught to build relationships outwardly—to focus on how we interact with others, how we show up for them, and how we can be the best partner, friend, or family member. But at the core, it’s an internal game. The quality of your relationships with others is directly linked to the quality of your relationship with yourself. If you’re not treating yourself with kindness, respect, and love, how can you truly offer those things to anyone else? 

Think about how you speak to yourself. Is it the same way you speak to or about others? Are you kind and compassionate toward yourself, or do you criticize and judge? If you’re kind to others but harsh on yourself, is that really authentic kindness? Or are you simply going through the motions, offering a surface-level niceness that doesn’t come from a place of true love?

What I’ve come to realize is that this journey of self-love and personal growth is never complete. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, life will show you that there’s always more to learn, more to heal, and more to expand. The moment you stop questioning, stop seeking, and stop growing is the moment you start to stagnate.

Expansion of the heart isn’t a destination; it’s a rebellion against the status quo of your own consciousness. It’s a constant push to see how much better things can get, how much deeper your experience of love, connection, and self-awareness can go. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life, so why wouldn’t you want to explore it to its fullest extent?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the most sacred love is the love you have for yourself. It’s the foundation upon which all other relationships are built. So, I invite you to take a moment and really think about how you’re treating yourself. Are you nurturing your own needs? Are you speaking to yourself with the same kindness and compassion you offer to others? Are you prioritizing your own well-being?

If not, now is the time to start. The more you love yourself, the more you’ll find that your relationships with others naturally improve. The love you give will be authentic, limitless, and free from the need for validation or reciprocation. 

So, let’s commit to this journey together—this journey of expanding our hearts, healing our relationship with ourselves, and creating a life filled with genuine, unconditional love. Because at the end of the day, that’s what we all deserve.

Over the last 7 years, I’ve had the privilege of participating in and leading women’s circles, and I can honestly say that these gatherings have been some of the most transformative experiences of my life. Women’s circles have become a sacred space for me—a place where I’ve built deep, meaningful relationships with others and, perhaps more importantly, with myself.

When I first stepped into a women’s circle, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. What I found was a community of women who were eager to support one another, to listen without judgment, and to share their wisdom and experiences. The power of that collective energy was palpable, and I immediately felt a sense of belonging that I hadn’t realized I was craving.

One of the most profound impacts of being part of a women’s circle has been the relationships I’ve built with other women. In our daily lives, it can be challenging to find the time and space for deep, authentic connections. We’re often so busy with our responsibilities and routines that we miss out on the richness that comes from truly being seen and heard by others.

In the circle, I’ve experienced the beauty of being part of a community where vulnerability is celebrated, where our stories—no matter how messy or complicated—are welcomed with open arms. These connections have provided me with a network of support, encouragement, and love that has been invaluable on my journey. Knowing that I have a circle of women who have my back, who celebrate my victories and hold space for my challenges, has been a source of strength and comfort.

While the relationships I’ve built with others have been incredibly meaningful, the most profound transformation has been in my relationship with myself. In the circle, I’ve learned to listen more deeply to my inner voice, to honor my needs and desires, and to trust my intuition. The practices and discussions we engage in during our gatherings have given me the tools to explore the depths of who I am, beyond the roles and labels that society often imposes.

Through this process, I’ve uncovered parts of myself that I had long ignored or suppressed. I’ve faced fears, healed old wounds, and celebrated aspects of myself that I had once taken for granted. The circle has been a mirror, reflecting back to me the truth of who I am—a truth that is sometimes challenging but always empowering.

Women’s circles have also been a catalyst for my personal development and self-discovery. In the safety of the circle, I’ve been able to explore new ideas, challenge old beliefs, and step out of my comfort zone. The collective wisdom of the group has been a source of inspiration, encouraging me to grow in ways I hadn’t imagined.

Each gathering is an opportunity to learn, to stretch, and to evolve. Whether through guided meditations, reflective exercises, or simply sharing our experiences, I’ve gained insights that have profoundly impacted my life. I’ve discovered strengths I didn’t know I had, uncovered passions that were lying dormant, and found a sense of purpose that continues to guide me on my path.

Looking back, I can see how much I’ve grown since I first began participating in women’s circles. The journey has been one of deep connection, profound self-discovery, and ongoing personal development. It’s a journey that I believe is worth taking for any woman who is seeking to live more fully and authentically.

If you’ve been feeling the need for deeper connections, both with others and within yourself, I wholeheartedly encourage you to step into a women’s circle. The experience has the potential to transform your life in ways you might not even anticipate. It’s a space of empowerment, healing, and growth—one that can help you uncover the beauty and strength that reside within you.

For me, women’s circles have been a reminder that we are all on this journey together, and that there is incredible power in gathering, sharing, and supporting one another. I’m grateful for the transformation I’ve experienced, and I’m excited to continue this journey alongside so many amazing women. I hope that you will join us in circle soon!

Let's begin by discussing the term "pranayama." This Sanskrit word has various interpretations. "Prana" refers to life force or breath, while "yama" means restraint or control. Thus, in the context of a breathwork practice, pranayama translates to breath control.

But let's delve deeper. We often think of pranayama simply as breath control, but what if it's more than that? What if it means life force restraint? We usually associate restraint with restriction, but what if it means choosing to direct the breath in a way that creates a particular result? What if it means using your life force intentionally to achieve specific outcomes?

Prana is the energy permeating the universe at all levels. It encompasses physical, mental, intellectual, sexual, spiritual, and cosmic energy. All vibrating energies are prana. It is the hidden or potential energy within all beings. We refer to it as life force because, without breath, we do not exist. Breath is the first thing we do when we enter this world and the last thing we do when we leave.

When we consciously control our breath, the meaning of pranayama becomes much deeper. We cultivate awareness for a specific purpose. There is immense potential in the breath, just like there is within our lives and when being focus and control to our breath and ultimately our life force, everything can change.

In “Light on Pranayama” by BKS Iyengar he says “When the breath is irregular, the mind wavers; when the breath is steady, so is the mind. To attain steadiness the Yogi should restrain his breath.”

To me this sums it up quite well, we are participating in yoga and personal development to create more steadiness in the mind and the breath is a beautiful way to do that. I love thinking about the breath as my best mindfulness tool because it's always there for me. I don't have to go get it from somewhere, I don't have to keep it in my purse, I don't have to go buy anything, it's just there and all it needs is my attention to become a very powerful tool for transformation.
Pranayama is considered a gateway to spiritual awakening and self-realization. Conscious Connected Breathwork and Pranayama have been some of my most profound healing tools, I love them because it is everything. It is somatic, it is meditation, it is relaxation, it is so helpful for my nervous system. It is truly a mind, body, soul experience. 

As we deepen our awareness of breath and prana, we cultivate mindfulness and presence in the present moment. This heightened awareness allows us to connect more deeply with our inner selves, facilitating introspection, insight, and spiritual growth. This happens through:

Purification and Balance: Through pranayama, practitioners purify and balance their physical, mental, and energetic bodies. By releasing physical tension and mental clutter, they create space for spiritual insights and deepened awareness.

Energetic Awareness: Pranayama enhances sensitivity to subtle energy flows within the body. This heightened energetic awareness allows practitioners to perceive and work with prana more effectively, facilitating spiritual healing and transformation.

Union of Mind and Body: The practice of pranayama promotes the integration of mind, body, and spirit. By synchronizing breath with movement and awareness, practitioners cultivate unity within themselves and a sense of connection to the universal life force.

But more to this, there is some evidence coming out to back all this up!

Pranayama is known to stimulate the vagus nerve, the longest cranial nerve that extends from the brainstem to the abdomen, influencing the parasympathetic nervous system. By activating the vagus nerve, pranayama promotes relaxation and reduces stress by modulating heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and enhancing digestive functions. This activation also boosts the release of calming neurotransmitters like acetylcholine and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), contributing to overall emotional well-being and mental clarity.
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Heart Rate Variability (HRV), another key aspect influenced by pranayama, measures the variation in time between consecutive heartbeats. High HRV is associated with better stress resilience and cardiovascular health, indicating a balanced autonomic nervous system. Through consistent practice, pranayama enhances HRV by optimizing the body's ability to transition between sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) states. This adaptability supports overall heart health and contributes to improved stress management capabilities.

Pranayama also plays a crucial role in regulating the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide (CO2) in the blood. Techniques such as deep diaphragmatic breathing increase oxygen intake, enhancing blood oxygen levels and tissue oxygenation. Controlled exhalations in practices like Nadi Shodhana help maintain optimal CO2 levels, preventing respiratory imbalances that can lead to stress-induced physiological responses. By improving respiratory efficiency and lung function, pranayama supports overall respiratory health and helps prevent conditions like respiratory alkalosis, where reduced CO2 levels due to rapid breathing lead to increased blood pH.

Pranayama offers a scientifically-backed approach to enhancing both physical and mental well-being. By stimulating the vagus nerve, improving heart rate variability, and optimizing oxygen and CO2 balance, pranayama promotes relaxation, stress reduction, and overall health resilience. Integrating pranayama into daily routines can provide lasting benefits, fostering a balanced and harmonious mind-body connection essential for holistic wellness.

So then what is the difference between pranayama and conscious connected breathwork? Well, its complicated, but here is what I have realized is true for me.

While both pranayama and conscious connected breathwork focus on the power of the breath to improve health and well-being, they differ in their techniques, origins, and specific goals. Pranayama is rooted in ancient yogic traditions with a structured approach to breath control for physical, mental, and spiritual benefits. Conscious connected breathwork, on the other hand, is a modern practice that emphasizes continuous, intuitive breathing to promote emotional healing and personal transformation. Both practices offer valuable tools for enhancing overall wellness and can be integrated into a holistic health routine.

When you engage in conscious connected breathwork, a specific breathing technique where you intentionally connect your inhales and exhales without any pauses, several physiological changes occur in your body. Here's a breakdown of what happens:
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1. Increased Oxygen Levels

• Oxygen Intake: Conscious connected breathwork increases the amount of oxygen you take in. This heightened oxygenation enhances the oxygen levels in your blood and tissues.
• Energy Production: More oxygen means your cells can produce more energy through aerobic respiration, which can make you feel more energized.

2. Autonomic Nervous System Activation

• Parasympathetic Activation: Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which promotes relaxation and reduces stress.
• Sympathetic Activation: Initially, the faster, deeper breaths can stimulate the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), increasing alertness and arousal. Over time, the balance can shift towards parasympathetic dominance, promoting calmness.

3. Vagus Nerve Stimulation

• Vagus Nerve: Deep and rhythmic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which is a key part of the parasympathetic nervous system.
• Relaxation Response: This stimulation can help lower heart rate and blood pressure, promoting a state of relaxation and reducing the stress response.

4. Endorphin Release

• Feel-Good Hormones: Breathwork can lead to the release of endorphins, which are natural painkillers and mood enhancers.
• Emotional Release: The combination of physiological changes and endorphin release can  lead to emotional release, helping to alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety or depression.

6. Improved Heart Rate Variability (HRV)

• HRV Increase: Conscious connected breathwork can improve heart rate variability (HRV), indicating a healthy and responsive autonomic nervous system.
• Stress Resilience: Higher HRV is associated with better stress resilience and overall cardiovascular health.

7. Enhanced Blood Circulation

• Circulation Boost: Increased oxygen intake and deeper breaths enhance blood circulation, ensuring that more oxygen and nutrients reach your cells and tissues.
• Detoxification: Enhanced circulation also aids in the removal of metabolic waste products from your body.

8. Mind-Body Connection

• Awareness: Conscious breathing increases your awareness of your body and mind, promoting a deeper connection between the two.
• Mindfulness: This practice can lead to a state of mindfulness, where you are fully present in the moment, reducing mental distractions and stress.

9. Physiological Relaxation

• Muscle Relaxation: Deep, controlled breathing helps relax the muscles, reducing tension and promoting a state of physical relaxation.
• Reduced Cortisol Levels: By activating the parasympathetic nervous system, breathwork can lower cortisol levels, reducing stress and its negative effects on the body.

Conscious connected breathwork triggers a wide range of physiological responses, from increased oxygenation and improved circulation to enhanced autonomic nervous system function and emotional release. These changes promote relaxation, reduce stress, improve mental clarity, and contribute to overall physical and emotional well-being. By practicing this form of breathwork regularly, you can harness these benefits to enhance your health and quality of life.

Trista leads 1-2 Breathwork sessions per month in person and online for some offerings. We would love to have you join us. Check out all the workshops in the workshops tab.

Compassion and Self Compassion are one of the biggest teachings of your life and it will be a life long journey to truly understand and embody them. 
I do want to take a little bit of a different spin on it today. I was talking with someone this week and she asked me how I began to feel compassion for someone in my life who had really hurt me, and it made me really think… how exactly did that happen?

It was a couple of things,

1. My therapist made me realize that the only reason that I felt let down by her was my expectations about what she could provide for me. 
2. I had an intense breathwork experience that showed me what my this person was just a human, stumbling around the world, struggling, dealing with her own heartbreak, not having the tools to manage any of it. Yes, I had high expectations of her, but she didn’t have the resources to give me what I thought she should be able to give me. When I let my expectations of what she could provide me go, there was so much peace. 
3. Practice, I forgave her over and over again. It literally has taken years, I did Metta Meditation on her over and over again and I practiced self compassion when I was not feeling my best, or when I reacted to how she was behaving/treating me. I did every forgiveness practice in my tool belt and I felt all of my feelings. And there are some days that I still feel anger and I have to forgive and find compassion again.

So let me ask you, are your expectations of other people creating suffering in your life? Are your expectations creating an environment this is non-compassionate? If we had less expectations of ourself would we reduce our suffering? If we had no expectations of others, how could that change the game?

Here is the thing, we have a part we are playing in the story that is creating much of our suffering. And most of it has to do with expectations as well as lack of communication. Have we told people what we need from them? Have we told them directly, passive aggressively? Have we been specific? Or are we just sitting around hoping that they can read are minds and that they will act the way we want them to act in all scenarios?

How does this all play into compassion?

Well, our ability to be compassionate all has to do with our belief systems about it, and this is a part of examining those belief systems.

We also have to recognize that we are the only ones that can change the way that we are responding to people or ultimately living our lives. Can you have compassion for the other person? Is it causing you suffering? Are they causing you suffering, maybe it is time to evaluate that relationship?

I let a relationship go this year and as soon as I did, there was an almost instant relief and an understanding that that person was creating so much stress in my life, but I was also letting them. I was letting them cause stress by not communicating my needs, my expectations, all for fear of losing the relationship, well it deteriorated anyway, and I was left with only suffering. 

Notice where the stress and suffering is and see if it can be remedied by forgiveness, compassion, acceptance or letting go. Life is too short to hold onto anger. Read my blog post about forgiveness for more on this. 

What is self love?

Self love is this statement that is often overused and hardly ever truly understood. But what I want to start off by saying is that if you have taken any actions of self love and self-care in your life you are off to a good start, if you haven't that is also OK too and you are here looking for a starting point.

To get to self love we have to get to self acceptance, to get to self acceptance we must understand self compassion to get to self compassion we must embrace vulnerability. But first you must understand that there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing that you have to do to be worthy of self love, belonging and self acceptance.

Worth is not something you earn, it is something you have, you are born with all of your worth and you are an incredible human being with so much to offer the world.  We have been told many lies about our worthiness over the course of our life and I invite you to be open to releasing those now in this moment. You are already worthy, as you are in this moment. All those stories from other humans about needing to do something to be worthy are false. All the stories about needing to be different then you are to be successful or important or loved, they are false. We are all individuals with equal worth that shows up differently you are worthy because you are alive. There is nothing that you need to do to be worthy except know that you already are.
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Now this being yourself stuff, this knowing your enough, this being brave to be the most you you can be comes with a ton of vulnerability. Especially if when you were growing up you had people around you that dimmed your light, that told you to tone it down or that it wasn’t proper to act the way that you were acting.  These could be friends, relatives other adults in your life that had also been told you needed to be a certain way to be acceptable or successful.

A lot of my worth was tied up in the size of my body, I was worthy when I was losing weight, unworthy when I wasn’t. I was worthy when I wore spanx and found that perfect outfit that made me feel thinner, I was unworthy when I wore what was comfortable. I was worthy when a man found me attractive, I was unworthy when I didn’t have a partner or someone who wanted to be out on the dancefloor with me.

Then when I cleared that up, it became apparent that I was conditional with my worthiness in other areas. I was worthy when I had 16 people at a workshop, I was unworthy when I had two. I was worthy when my husband and I had a heartfelt conversation, I was unworthy when he didn’t give me the reaction that I wanted. I was worthy when I got invited to the party, I was unworthy when I felt like I was purposefully missed.  I had/have so much of my identity tied up in how I look, who loved me, who cared that I forgot about the inherit worthiness that I was born with.

How this began to change for me, when I decided to take a big step and do something that had never been done before, open a wellness center that was for everyone regardless of body size with me as the spokesperson. This was incredibly difficult for me because of the vulnerability that came with it. I exposed myself to ridicule, to judgment, to the naysayers and the most difficult of all, accepting that I was in fact a woman of size that also stood for wellness and that both those things could be true together. I knew that I wasn’t going to be “for” everyone, but the reasons for putting myself out there outweighed the reasons to not put myself out there. I had to push through those awful, uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability because it was important to me.

So that is the first question that I have for you, when it comes to self acceptance, self love, is: Why is this important to you? You have to ask yourself this question and really know the answer or else it will never be important enough to start working on. The reason why has to be stronger then the fear or else you simply will not do it.

Take some time and contemplate this for yourself and feel free to post in the comments about it.

​I was thinking a lot about what self acceptance and self love really means to me and the simple fact is that it is truly everything! Most of the things that you are struggling with could be improved or resolved with self love and acceptance. And here is why.
The top 5 things that challenge us as adults are:

1. Physical Health
2. Mental Health
3. Work-Life Balance and Relationships
4. How we look as we age
5. Financial Concerns

Let me tell you a little story about my husband to drive this point home. About four years ago he started getting an interest in his mental health, he started seeking outside himself and began to see that there was something bigger than him. This isn’t something I could do for him, I could only model this. He started doing breathwork and coming on meditation retreats and it was a gradual slow build. This happened through us have conscious conversations and me being very careful not to shove things down his throat. We explored and grew together, but at the point it seemed like he was falling back into old habits, but I kept on keeping on and I kept loving him through the process.

Then about 2 1/2 years ago he had a mentor at work invest in him which made him feel like he mattered. This mentor told him that if he wanted to move up the ladder in the company but he needed to start dressing and acting the part. This mentor believed in him before he could believe in himself. Suddenly my husband started caring about his appearance, and not in a self loathing type of way, in a way that he actually cared about how he appeared in the world. He got a new haircut, started using skin care, he bought new clothes. Because of this he felt empowered to do so. He was fortunate to have found this mentor.

When he started caring about his physical appearance, it built his confidence which afforded him a promotion, and also improved our relationship. I no longer felt like a has to mother him about those things and our financial situation improved. Now he has taken another step and has started to be concerned with his physical health and has taken great actions on that which has helped him be less concerned about the aging process.

I tell you this story for 3 reasons.

First of all to demonstrate that change doesn't happen overnight, it happens in the small little moments, and the small little decisions.

Second, I tell you this story because I know that these concepts we are talking about can sometimes feel out of reach. They can feel untrue or unattainable or like it’s a wish or a hope or a prayer. But I am telling you from experience that all you need is a willingness, an openness to something being true or available to you, to it to start having an impact in your life. My husbands transformation started with believing in himself and having a mentor solidify that belief. I am here to tell you that I believe in you, I know that you want this and I know without a doubt that you deserve this, so please believe in yourself, I have so much belief in you, but it needs to start with you. You matter so much in this world and the world needs all of you, my biggest wish is for you all to see that.  

I also tell you this to show you how much self love and self acceptance impact all areas of your life. Understanding this, taking small steps forward, making tiny little decisions can change everything, but you must have patience with others and with yourself. You are doing great, just keep going, small little shifts at time!