is the golden rule really golden?

You’ve likely heard it before—the age-old saying that was instilled in many of us from childhood: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” It’s a phrase that carries the weight of morality, kindness, and respect. But as I’ve navigated my own journey of personal growth and deepened my relationships, I’ve come to realize that there’s a massive flaw in this well-intentioned advice. 

This saying is one that we often hear but rarely question. We accept it as truth, a simple guideline to live by, yet we seldom pause to think about what it actually means on a deeper level. The problem lies in the fact that we are taught to treat others well, but we are not explicitly taught how to treat ourselves. How can we possibly know how to treat others with genuine love and kindness if we don’t first understand how to treat ourselves? 

When we are told to “treat others how we want to be treated,” what we’re really doing is modeling our behavior based on how we see others treat each other. We look outward, emulating the kindness, or sometimes the lack thereof, that we experience in our interactions. But this approach doesn’t teach us self-love. It teaches us to seek approval and kindness from others, to be nice so that others will be nice to us in return. While that might sound reasonable on the surface, it’s actually quite limiting and, in many ways, incorrect.

What I’ve discovered through my own experiences is that the real transformation happens when we shift our focus inward. If we start by building a deep, loving relationship with ourselves—treating ourselves as worthy and deserving of love, kindness, and all the good things life has to offer—we naturally extend that love to others. It’s not about faking it or being kind out of obligation; it’s about knowing in our bones that we are valuable, and from that place of self-worth, we can genuinely uplift those around us.

Loving yourself first is a radical act, one that requires a complete reframe of how we view our place in the world. We’ve been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is selfish, but in truth, it’s the most selfless thing we can do. When we prioritize our own well-being, when we treat ourselves as the most important person in our lives, we begin to radiate a love that is pure, unburdened, and unconditional. This is the kind of love that can transform relationships—not just with others, but with ourselves.

We’re often taught to build relationships outwardly—to focus on how we interact with others, how we show up for them, and how we can be the best partner, friend, or family member. But at the core, it’s an internal game. The quality of your relationships with others is directly linked to the quality of your relationship with yourself. If you’re not treating yourself with kindness, respect, and love, how can you truly offer those things to anyone else? 

Think about how you speak to yourself. Is it the same way you speak to or about others? Are you kind and compassionate toward yourself, or do you criticize and judge? If you’re kind to others but harsh on yourself, is that really authentic kindness? Or are you simply going through the motions, offering a surface-level niceness that doesn’t come from a place of true love?

What I’ve come to realize is that this journey of self-love and personal growth is never complete. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, life will show you that there’s always more to learn, more to heal, and more to expand. The moment you stop questioning, stop seeking, and stop growing is the moment you start to stagnate.

Expansion of the heart isn’t a destination; it’s a rebellion against the status quo of your own consciousness. It’s a constant push to see how much better things can get, how much deeper your experience of love, connection, and self-awareness can go. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life, so why wouldn’t you want to explore it to its fullest extent?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the most sacred love is the love you have for yourself. It’s the foundation upon which all other relationships are built. So, I invite you to take a moment and really think about how you’re treating yourself. Are you nurturing your own needs? Are you speaking to yourself with the same kindness and compassion you offer to others? Are you prioritizing your own well-being?

If not, now is the time to start. The more you love yourself, the more you’ll find that your relationships with others naturally improve. The love you give will be authentic, limitless, and free from the need for validation or reciprocation. 

So, let’s commit to this journey together—this journey of expanding our hearts, healing our relationship with ourselves, and creating a life filled with genuine, unconditional love. Because at the end of the day, that’s what we all deserve.